What the hell is wrong with me that I would be so emotionally crippled over someone who would marry someone else. it's not like he's all broken up about it. why should i let someone else, who i can't get to, get to me? i shouldn't. but i do. i can't help it. maybe it's because i'm weak. maybe because i'm unrealistic. maybe because i can't let go of the past.
they got married.
he didn't even tell me. after everything we've gone through. after everything i've gone through. he didn't tell me. maybe i'm ridiculous for thinking he should have. i think he should have.
i would give so much for closure. i would give so much to be happy again or to even want to be happy. i would give so much for him and he doesn't even care. he married someone else.
why don't i just get the hell over it.
every future i've envisioned since i met him, included him. he believed in me and loved me. but in some tragic twist of fate everything i wanted to share only with him - life with marriage and children - he didn't want with anyone.
but he got married.
none of this is to imply that i less than loved anyone else that i said i did. because i would never say that to someone without meaning it. it's just, life is long and winding road and i always thought sam would be the one at the end of mine.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 1:08 AM
You didn't even bother to CALL. you're the only one who still reads this, so i know you know who you are. You're the opposite of what i need right now. i need to be cared for right now and you aren't around to do that. and it's not a "right now" thing either. i need to be cared for - period. all the time. people are busy. they still call. they still make themselves present. i appreciate that you miss me. i appreciate that you love me. and i hope you appreciate that i both miss and love you. i, however, need more. i need reciprocation and to be a priority. you can continue to think that it's a piece of cake for me to be available to you, but you will be sorrily mistaken. i meant to finish this before FRIDAY EVENING AFTER 6:30 was over, but it is now saturday. i think it was to the same effect.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 11:57 PM
i don't want to know people anymore. Stephanie the optimist is not dead, because i am eternally an optimist, but I am now and indefinitly barracaded. I will now be untouchable. I will be impervious to the wyles of anyone who tries to break down my walls from now until I feel like i have the strength to feel again.i exclaim exorbitantly that from now until i regain the will to give of myself to someone that cares enough to give of themselves - not of their things or their wealth, but of themselves - what i feel is nobody's business. Until someone cares enough to ask me, who am i even telling about it. blog defunct.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 10:22 PM
single, and very conflicted, that is.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 5:55 PM
Stephanie is single once more (I'm fairly positive). Eh. ttfn.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 5:55 PM
I TOTALLY VOTED!!!!!! Go ME! I Rocked The Vote!
So, I went and voted in the California primary election, I participated in Super Tuesday, I got proactive on Democracy's ass!! Then I skipped to my car yelling with glee, "I totally voted! I totally voted!" I am a super nerd, fo sho. Go Me! Everybody vote! I am now fully jazzed to be eighteen! Voting was the only eighteen-and-up thing I really ever cared about doing, and now I have! God bless America!
+ posted by Stephanie @ 8:06 PM
Oh so conflicted
i'm so torn. I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do - not that those of you that actually still read my random-ass blog haven't seen that song and dance before. I haven't done any photography in a month. Grr! I don't know what the heck is up with me. Umm, I'm bored like no other, too. I just need to get away, 'cause I haven't been away in so long. Maybe a trip to Sonoma or Chico or Konocti or Santa Cruz. I'm dying to go to the Boardwalk. And ugh, I have until March 23rd to do 15 hours of community service. If anyone knows of any good oppurtunities, lemme know puhleeeeze. Alrighty, goodnight all.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 8:07 PM
Peep this yo . . .
+ posted by Stephanie @ 9:09 PM
Stephanie's most favoritest Love Songs Evah!
1) god only knows- the beach boys
2)don't worry baby-the beach boys
3)surfergirl-the beach boys
4) wouldn't it be nice-the beach boys
5) one sweet day - mariah carey and boyzIImen
6) angel- aerosmith
7)cryin' - aerosmith
8)crazy- aerosmith
9) love in a n elevator- aerosmith
10)falli8n' in love is so hard on the knees-aerosmith
11)pink-aeromith
12)i don't wanna miss a thing- aerosmith
13)at last - etta james
14)i only have eyes for you - ella fitzgerald
15)cheek to chek- irving berlin
16)
. . . . ok, i give up. there are more and there are some i would take off of my present list. i'll work on it later.
+ posted by Stephanie @ 7:57 PM